I couldn’t find my travel mug this morning, so I just carried a regular ceramic mug with me on my walk. It’s amazing how cold coffee gets when you do that and how quickly it happens.

I mean, I know that’s the entire reason travel mugs exist. I’ve just never been faced with the reality before.

Physics: they work, and it sucks. This has been Mike Sugarbaker, urging you to vote No on physics

heck yeah I got "seasonal depression!"

All these

Never again.

re: re: re: re: RE: FWD: FWD: ha ha Show more

for small business saturday, please consider giving your local merchants a thimble they can use as a chair, or a bobbin they can eat their meals on

I own a ludicrous number of screens. It’s true. The most ridiculous part is that some things only go on some screens and not others.

me: i know that the universe is definitely toroidal

god: how'd you figure it out?

me: well, modulo operator is the easiest way to do bounds-checking, and i KNOW that youre at least as lazy as me

god: thats really insulting. Fucker

Inside your skeleton is another skeleton. It’s skeletons all the way down

spooky million dollar idea Show more

Praise the Father, the Son, and the Funky Ghost! <funk music plays on pipe organ>

Last night's jokes were bad but I do find myself hoping that Switch Online will allow JohnCageHeroForHire to live his life

Something about the Switch makes me so reluctant to spend money on anything except when I'm instantly ready to spend $60

Some of those are bad but I turned down RambonaFlowers which is probably better than all of them

Dammit the thot pilgrim one is taken because of course it is

• 99IconicVapeSword99
• LikeTrumpButStraight
• 420SirTimBurnALeaf

Help me pick a gaming screen name

• RedDeadReidFleming
• JohnCageHeroForHire
• ThotPilgrimVsTheWorld

Fall is the worst. You try to sign up for a dating app and the police confiscate your phone and tie you to a barren tree, dead leaves in a drift up to your knees, scratchy branches caressing your face.

"Be nice to your date," the cops say every year. "Invite us to your tree wedding."

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This is an instance of Mastodon for some people who know each other in real life as well as on the internet.