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I own a ludicrous number of screens. It’s true. The most ridiculous part is that some things only go on some screens and not others.

me: i know that the universe is definitely toroidal

god: how'd you figure it out?

me: well, modulo operator is the easiest way to do bounds-checking, and i KNOW that youre at least as lazy as me

god: thats really insulting. Fucker

Inside your skeleton is another skeleton. It’s skeletons all the way down

spooky million dollar idea 

Praise the Father, the Son, and the Funky Ghost! <funk music plays on pipe organ>

Last night's jokes were bad but I do find myself hoping that Switch Online will allow JohnCageHeroForHire to live his life

Something about the Switch makes me so reluctant to spend money on anything except when I'm instantly ready to spend $60

Some of those are bad but I turned down RambonaFlowers which is probably better than all of them

Dammit the thot pilgrim one is taken because of course it is

• 99IconicVapeSword99
• LikeTrumpButStraight
• 420SirTimBurnALeaf

Help me pick a gaming screen name

• RedDeadReidFleming
• JohnCageHeroForHire
• ThotPilgrimVsTheWorld

Fall is the worst. You try to sign up for a dating app and the police confiscate your phone and tie you to a barren tree, dead leaves in a drift up to your knees, scratchy branches caressing your face.

"Be nice to your date," the cops say every year. "Invite us to your tree wedding."

I still kind of want a Cintiq. This makes no sense


Go out into the woods. Just stand there. Wait.

Your costume is coming.

thinking about how old biblical stories are basically bronze age black mirror

sodom and gomorrah: "what if cities...but too much"
tower of babel: "what if monumental architecture...but too much"
shadrach, meshach and abednigo: "what if smelting furnaces...but too much"

Existence is a cruel joke and/or warm puppy

starting a local chapter of the Democratic Nihilists of America (DNA)

What is the point of doing anything if it isn't snacks

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